I should have taken the Xanax

When a person is first diagnosed with cancer there is a short period of time where it feels as if all they do is go from one appointment or test to the next.  The first test I was sent to by my surgeon was a breast MRI. Dr. Bremner offered me a prescription for Xanax, but me thinking I was tougher than I really am said no.  STUPID!!!
So I show up for my appointment early like they told me to, filled out the ream of paperwork, and was taken back by a friendly young lady to a place to change into a gown, everything off except the panties. I should have asked for a pill then and there.  I couldn't figure out how to get the sliding door to line up right to close and lock all the way, so there I was in this little cubicle trying to hold the door closed while I disrobed and put on a gown. When the friendly young lady came back she led me down a hall and into a large room where there was a man she introduced me, who was going to conducting the test.  She then led me through the door, and there it was......the tube. I had had MRIs before, but they were seated in an open air contraption. This was the tube I had heard of.  Deep breath Dawn, don't freak out. I had been told when the appointment was made that the test would take an hour and ten minutes, and that was told to me again by the friendly young lady. An hour an ten minutes in the tube...deep breath Dawn, don't freak out. I am standing next to the machine barefooted wrapped only in the security of the light gown around me as the friendly young lady is explaining how I am am going to lay face down and put my breast inside the square holes on the bed. Huh? Round peg....square hole...um ok.  Deep breath Dawn, don't freak out. About the same time she is telling me to take the gown off and lay down, I notice the window between the room I'm standing in and the one the guy conducting the test is waiting. WHAT?? Did I hear her correctly? Take the gown off?? Deep breath Dawn, DON'T freak out. Poor girl must have seen the sheer panic on my face be she quickly added that once I laid down she would put the gown over me.  Well, I showed her, I kept that gown around me laid face down on that crazy contraption and moved the gown in a way to stay covered and still fit the round pegs in the square holes.  I felt like a winner, however short lived. At this point the gentleman conducting the tests enters the room to get an I.V. Started in my arm" this is due to the fact they are going to inject a dye toward the end of the test. Deep breath Dawn, don't freak out. He then explains to me how when I feel the dye the test will be over in approximately ten minutes. He took the time to hand me a little squeeze ball and told me it was the panic button. He said only use that ball if absolutely necessary because if I pushed it and they had to pull me out we would have to start the whole thing over. Deep breath GULP.   He explained all the sounds and knocking I would hear from the machine, then he said the dumbest thing....  He tells me to only breath shallow. If I take a deep breath it will cause my chest to move and they won't get the pictures they need.  So there I am face down with my breasts in the square holes panic button in hand, but determined not to use it breathing shallow. The test begins.  I quickly regretted not taking the Xanax that was offered me, heck I should have taken two.  I began to pray and sing worship songs in my head. It was really very difficult to breath with my face in the little hole so I figured out a way to use my arms as leverage to lift my face a bit to get some air without moving my chest. Pray, sing, lift face over and over again as time ticked by.  I was so very happy when at last I felt the dye go in through the I.V. I only had ten minutes left. After about ten minutes everything went silent, I expected the bed to move out of the tube and the friendly young lady to greet me.  Silence still, time went on like that for several minutes.  I started to panic a bit, but didn't want to push the button. My time should be done what is going on?  My mind started telling crazy things like some emergency happened and they had to evacuate the building, but left me in the tube. I began to lift my face and examine my surroundings as best as I could while keeping the the stupid round pegs in the square holes. I tried to come up with a way to climb out of that tube and not lose the gown that is just draped over me. All of this going through my head, but far to stubborn to push the panic ball. At last, the soothing loud knocking sound of the machine started up again. At least I wasn't alone. Shallow breath Dawn, don't freak out. Pray, sing worship songs, lift face for air. About another 15 minutes this went on until finally it was done. I asked them what happened and was told they had to change the film cartridges. Back down the hall I go to the cubicle at doesn't lock, finally my clothes.  I vowed at that moment, if I ever need another MRI I would take the Xanax.